I sat for a while on the rock looking out into the water. I tried to take in Jesus' words as best as I could. Perhaps if I had led a more prayerful life from the start this would make more sense to me. My life was filled with past pains and I suspected my heart was too injured to let go of all the pain and anger and just trust again. There was definitely a lot more to "Thy Will be done" than I had previously realized.
I turned to Jesus and said, "I don't know if I would be a very good reflection of your love. You know what my heart and life look like. There are days that I am more messed up than I like to admit."
I felt Jesus' hand on my arm and he gave me a gentle squeeze. His eyes looked directly into mine as he spoke. "I know your heart has been wounded. I understand wounded hearts. Mine, too, was pierced. But it was through this piercing that I poured my love and mercy onto the world. If you allowed me, I could heal your heart and that wound which holds you back will become the spot that I will dwell. Over time that vulnerable area of pain will heal you and others."
"How?"
"That torn area in your heart will not be able to hold my loving mercy inside and it will flow threw your pierced areas and touch those near to you. This is why I wish people didn't run away from me when their hearts are wounded. Away from me, that area could eventually heal, but often it becomes hardened as well. I will take your painful wounds, heal them, and then let them become the source of your strength."
"Can you really do that with me?"
"I can if you spend your life trusting me."
I wanted to say "yes" to Jesus right away, but I took a few minutes to let his words sink in. Was I ready to trust again?......I nodded my head yes and said "Jesus, I trust in You!"
Jesus gave me a big warm smile and said, "See you know more about prayer than you thought. Giving me your trust is one of my favorite prayers."
I returned his warm smile and for the first time, in a long time, I felt hope again. And it felt really good.
(to be continued)
