The Beloved Disciple: Trust God's Plan

 

  It was late at night when Judas arrived with the soldiers.  Judas was walking toward Jesus, and you knew you had to act.  You open your mouth to scream, "No!" but nothing comes out. Again, you try to shout, "Stop!" but your voice fails you. Why can’t I scream? Where is my voice? I have to stop this? I know what’s going to happen. This can’t happen. I have to stop this. I have to stop this. You fall to your knees, sobbing as they take Jesus away.

  Suddenly, you hear James’ voice and feel him shaking you.  “Wake up, wake up! You’re having a nightmare!” 

  You look into James' face and confess, “I couldn’t stop it! I knew what horrible things would happen, and I couldn’t prevent it. Every time I close my eyes, I see His blood-stained face gasping for air. I see the nails in His feet and the blood dripping down. I see—”

  “You have to stop reliving it.  Mary is finally sleeping. Don’t waken her.” James commands. 

  “Ok, ok, you’re right. I have to take care of Mary now. I promised Him.” James lies back down, but you remain sitting, hugging your legs, your face touching your knees, trying to escape from all of the memories of the last 24 hours. Your body starts shaking involuntarily as you try to understand how this all happened. How could they have beaten and crucified Him?  How?  So many excruciating, painful details flash before your eyes. How can I make this all go away? You can’t. You were there and saw everything. Tears keep streaming down your face. You can’t stop them.  How can He be gone?

  You did your best to stay strong for Mary. There were times when Jesus’ agony seemed to physically pierce Mary. You did your best to support her as she struggled with her pain. Her body sometimes went limp, but she stayed faithful to Jesus and the Father.  She never said anything harsh or unkind. You could see her lips moving in prayer, and sometimes a word or two was spoken aloud. She simply kept praying for God's mercy for everyone. Her prayers seemed to echo His. Another heart-wrenching memory invades your thoughts. "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do."

  How can He be gone? Did I not just lay my head on his chest last night and hear His heartbeat? What did He say? "Stay close to me, my friend.  Soon you will see I love you more than you can understand." The tears continue flowing down your face, one after another.  You can't even be bothered to wipe them away. As the pain in your chest starts to grow, another memory pops into your mind. The night you couldn't sleep, Jesus wrapped his arm around you and kissed your forehead. Remember, he said, "Go get some rest and trust in my timing." 

  "I will always trust you, Jesus," you promise. "I still believe in you." A wave of peace washes over you. "I can still feel you," you whisper. You close your eyes and let the feeling take over you. And it is His peace that calms you down, helping you to drift back to sleep.

-Susan

The Beloved Disciple: I Love You

 

  As you recline next to Jesus at Passover, you try to absorb what just happened.  Jesus blessed and broke the bread and said, "Take and eat; this is my body."  The bread was then passed to each of you at the table. Then He took the cup, gave thanks and said, "Drink from it, all of you, for this is my blood of the new covenant, which will be shed on behalf of many for the forgiveness of sins."

  What did Jesus mean when he said this is my blood, this is my body, which will be shed….Jesus looked at each of us with such love.  His words were slow and perfectly enunciated. He chose these words very carefully and deliberately. The bread is His body. You remember the words He had spoken before. “I am the Bread of Life. “ You must eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink His blood.” This is the new covenant. This all sounds amazing except for one word—shed. His blood will be shed?  

  Your thoughts are interrupted by Jesus’ next announcement, “One of you will betray me.”  What?  One of us is going to betray Jesus?  That sounds impossible. You suddenly feel queasy, and the hair on your arms stands on end. How can this make sense?  Think. Think.  At the first Passover, blood was shed. The blood of the lambs. This blood protected them from death. John the Baptist called Jesus the Lamb of God. Jesus might have to die to save us from death? That can’t be! The Messiah is supposed to save us. Suddenly, another question comes crashing through your thoughts. What are we being saved from? From death? Wait, Jesus also said for the forgiveness of sins. Forgiveness of sins, saved from death. Eat my flesh and drink my blood, and you will have eternal life.  

  Your head starts spinning as you try to understand. You lean your head back against Jesus. You can hear His heart beating.  Your fears begin to fade being this close to His heart. Jesus whispers to you, “Stay close to me, my friend.  Soon you will see I love you more than you can understand.”

-Susan

The Beloved Disciple: Praise God

 

  As we approached Jerusalem, the people lined the streets and began shouting, "Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord." It was absolutely exhilarating! Someone handed you a palm branch, and you joined your voice with all the others.  Finally, everyone recognizes Jesus as the Messiah!  There was no need to be silent.  You screamed, "Hosanna!"

  As you watched Jesus riding on the donkey, he was smiling at everyone. Inside, you knew this was going to be an incredible week in Jerusalem.  Perhaps this is the week you have been waiting for. Jesus was going to save us!  But how? What incredible miracle will He perform? What will life be like after Jesus saves us? You could hardly wait! This is the moment you have waited and prayed for your whole life.  You think of all the people who had prayed for this day as well, but never got to see it.  God has blessed you so beyond measure! Praise God!  A favorite psalm comes to mind as you are shouting, "I will extoll you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever.  Every day I will bless you, and praise your name forever and ever.  Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and His greatness is unsearchable."

  Even with the crowd being so thick, you catch a glimpse or two of the unhappy Pharisees. Their faces evoke your fear that Jesus will be harmed. You quickly dismiss this thought. It could never happen. The people would not allow it. Silently, you pray, "O Lord, help all to believe that Jesus is Your Son, the Messiah, the Savior of the world!" 

-Susan

The Beloved Disciple: Trust Me

 

  You spend the night tossing and turning, with so many questions and things you don’t understand. Being a disciple of Jesus is sometimes both easy and hard. You recall Jesus’ words. " I am the bread of life, he who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst….Truly, truly I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood, you have no life in you; he who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day….It is the Spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail; the words I have spoken to you are Spirit and life."

Your confused thoughts seek clarity. I must hunger and thirst for Jesus…how will I eat his flesh and drink his blood? I want eternal life…it is the Spirit that gives life. How?  What am I missing?  I don’t understand. 

 You get up and decide that some fresh air will help clear your mind. You look up at the stars.  The sky is so vast; there are definitely mysteries about the stars you don’t understand, yet you believe they are real and exist.  As you stare at the stars, you suddenly hear an all-too-familiar voice, “ Are you having trouble sleeping?”

  You are surprised to see Jesus standing right beside you. You let out a big sigh, “Yes, you could say that. My thoughts keep waking me up.”

  “Anything I can help you with?” Jesus asks.

  “Jesus, when you called me to follow you, you knew I was not the smartest person.  I know you are the Messiah and your words are true, but I feel so stupid that I don't understand everything.  I try to recall your words at night so I don’t forget them, but there's this feeling deep inside me that tells me they mean something more.”

  "My friend, I chose you because you listen not only with your ears but also with your heart. Your heart is so beautiful and capable of more than you can imagine. The truths I share are beyond what anyone can fully understand. Little by little, I will reveal more to you. What doesn’t make sense today will make sense one day.  Your faith can embrace mysteries your mind cannot. A heart that trusts is more valuable than all the knowledge in the world. I have so much to offer you that this world never could."

  Jesus puts his arm around you and gives you a good squeeze. Then he kisses your forehead and says, “Go get some rest.  Trust in my timing.”

  It was that kiss of peace that calmed all your thoughts.  As you watched Jesus walk away, a big yawn overtook you.  You feel like a small child whose parents have just kissed them and sent them to bed. You smile slightly as you say to yourself, “I hope I sleep like a baby tonight.”

-Susan

The Beloved Disciple: Dedicated to Prayer

 

 After returning from your mission, Jesus asks, "How did it go?"

  Smiling, you reply, "Better than I thought it would be. I felt you with me. "

  Jesus returns your smile.  "I'll always be with you."

  "What would you like me to do next?"

  "Well, I often find it helpful to spend time with the Father and unwind.  Time alone in prayer can work wonders for you."

  You shift your weight and say, "To be honest, I'm kind of spent. I was hoping to just relax a little bit. I don't know if I have anything left to give mentally."

  Jesus surprises you with a little laugh. Prayer doesn't have to be mentally challenging.  It just needs to be honest.  See that hill over there? Grab a blanket, let the sun warm you, and just invite the Father to come near.  Don't prepare any special words, just sit with the Father and let Him fill you up with His goodness."

  "Jesus, if I lie down under the sun, I'm probably going to fall asleep."

  "The Father understands your strengths and weaknesses. Let Him give you what you need.  If a good nap is the answer, then allow His peace to fill you.  You don't always have to do the work; God delights in giving you what you need spiritually and physically. Open your heart to the Father and then follow His lead. He has so many good things in store for you."

  As you consider Jesus' words, a small smile appears on your face. "I don't know why I always see prayer as a chore?  Maybe I have done enough talking lately. Listening and enjoying the Father's love sounds wonderful right now. Climbing that hill sounds like a fantastic idea."  As you begin to walk away, you pause for a moment and look back at Jesus.  "I make that mistake a lot, don't I?"

  Jesus smiles and asks, "Which one?"

  "You know, when I think I have to do all the work instead of relying on God and trusting His ways."

  Jesus laughs a little and says, "Well, you aren't the only one.  It's surprising how many people have difficulty with that! I'm doing my best to help people see that! Go enjoy your time!"

 "I will!"

-Susan

 

The Beloved Disciple-Mission Bound

 

  Jesus has asked you to go out and preach. The idea feels a little scary and uncomfortable.  It's not because you lack faith;  it's just because you're outside your comfort zone.  Jesus watches you nervously pace and wrestle with the idea. What will you even say to others?  Where do you start? Should you start with Jesus is the promised Messiah?  Should you start with Jesus is the Son of God?  You look over at Jesus and notice His smile.

  "You've got this," Jesus says.  "I have it on very good authority that you were made for this!  The Father has given you everything you need."

  You nod, desperately wanting to believe it is true.   

  "Faith is meant to be shared. The Father wants the Kingdom to be filled with believers." There are so many who still need to hear the good news." Jesus again smiles at you before He turns His attention to another disciple. 

  You began packing your bag.  Once again, the "where to begin" idea came up. Maybe you should start with the incredible miracles Jesus performed. Or that Jesus has the power to heal you and forgive your sins.  Who wouldn't want their sins forgiven?   As you begin walking, Jesus gives you a wave, and a sense of optimism washes over you. Where to begin?  Maybe you should just share how Jesus has transformed your life? How has Jesus changed your life?  You think back to the Samaritan woman Jesus met at the well.  She had no special training.  She simply shared her personal experience with Jesus, and people were drawn to her story. An entire town came to believe because of her testimony. 

  Sharing Jesus with others should be sincere and come from your heart. You remember Jesus' words, "The Father has given you all that you need." 

  As you keep walking, you realize you're overthinking it. It just needs to be a casual conversation with people.  It's not a debate. Just let people know that having Jesus in your life changes everything for the better! As you keep walking, it feels like Jesus is walking right beside you.  You lift your eyes and heart toward heaven and whisper, "I knew you wouldn't make me do this alone. You'll be there with me with every word I speak."

-Susan

The Beloved Disciple:: Follow Him

 

 Shortly after breakfast, Jesus approaches you and says, "I'm planning on hiking to the top of the mountain today.  I'd like you to come along.  Are you up for it?"

  You smile and reply, "Of course. Isn't everyone?"

   "I haven't asked everyone. I was hoping just a few of us could spend the day together.  Peter and James have already agreed to come too."

  The sun was already feeling warm as you walked towards the mountain.  Jesus was in a good mood. He shared a few amusing stories about his days as a carpenter.  Each of you, in turn, shared your own funny stories.  The storytelling and laughter made the time pass quickly. As you keep climbing the mountain, Jesus pauses for a moment, looks at you, and asks, "Which of my teachings are you finding most difficult?"  You take a deep breath in and honestly consider His question.  Spend a few minutes talking to Jesus about this.

  At the end of your conversation, Jesus announces it's time to rest. Hours have passed, and you are all exhausted.  It feels good to lie on the ground. You close your eyes for a minute, recalling the conversation you just had with Jesus, and unintentionally drift into a peaceful nap.  That is, until you feel a strong slap across your arm.

  "Get up, get up, get up!" Peter's voice has a strange sense of urgency and excitement.

  Although you are now awake, what you see before you resembles a dream.  What is happening? Clearly, that is Jesus talking with two men, but you have never seen men look like that. It is Jesus who captivates you the most. His appearance is mesmerizing. Light wasn't shining on Him; it was emanating from Him. Words completely fail you as you try to understand what is happening.  Suddenly, Peter begins talking about making tents.  What is he talking about?  We didn't bring any supplies, and are those men actually real?

  Your thoughts, however, vanished as the most unusual cloud hovered over you. That's when you heard God's voice speak directly to you. “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to Him."

  Instinctively, you fall to the ground. You perceived the holiness and goodness of God, and at the same time, your total unworthiness to be in His Presence. You had been with Jesus for so long, witnessing so many miracles, yet this was a pivotal moment that changed you forever.  God is real! God is speaking directly to you! He exists not just in scripture, but truly and powerfully alive in your life!  His voice silenced any questions about who Jesus is.  Jesus is the Son of God!  His words and teachings must be followed!  You are a disciple of the Son of God! You must strive to be more faithful than ever before!

-Susan